Hello Parent,

We recently answered some
questions, for a major magazine in the UAE, asked by parents for the
kind of problems their children were facing. I am producing them below.
For more information call us at Singhania Children’s Clinic, Dubai
Health Care City, Dubai; P: +971 4 429 8498; Email:
singhaniaclinic@yahoo.com. 

Q. 1) I am a
student in grade 10. My problem is exams. I am so frightened before
exams that I cannot eat or sleep the night before. During the exam my
mind goes blank. I get confused and make careless mistakes. I study very
hard and know all my stuff but when I pick up the pen to write an exam I
am frozen. HELP!

36.0pt”>
Arun

A.1)
Dear Arun,

         What you are suffering from is not uncommon. It is called
Performance Anxiety. Many young people get frozen before an exam. But
all is not lost! There are many things you can do to help yourself.
First of all, change your mind set. Put exams in perspective. If you
believe that your life is going to be ruined if you don’t do well or
that your whole future depends on how well you do, then you are setting
the stage for anxiety. Nothing is more important than you, which means
also your emotional health. So say too yourself that “I am more
important than exams” and repeat this like a mantra.

Now you
are ready for trying 3 techniques, which often help students when they
get nervous. These are 1. Visualisation, 2. Positive Self talk 3.
Relaxation.

Visualisation: This about seeing
pictures in your head. First sit in a comfortable chair and take deep
breaths till you are relaxed. Then close your eyes and see yourself
sitting in a theatre. You are the only person there. It is dark and the
movie is about to begin. The movie is all about you. As the lights go
out you see yourself on the screen. You see yourself as happy, confident
and relaxed. The exam is about to begin. You see yourself confidently go
into the exam hall. You look at the paper. You smile because it is so
easy. You take out your pen and start to write. The answers come easily
to you. You write quickly without errors, page after page. You finish
well before the bell rings. You go through the paper and check for
errors but there aren’t any. You give in the paper (still smiling) and
walk out into the sunshine.

See
this ‘movie’ everyday before your exams. If during the paper you start
to get tense, put down your pen, take a deep breath, close your eyes and
‘see’ this movie again in your head.

Positive Self-Talk: This means encouraging yourself. Do not put yourself
down. Make a list of negative thoughts that pop into your head when you
think of exams. Then write down the opposite on a paper e.g. change “I
am going to fail!”  To “I will pass”. Convert all the negative thoughts
into positive ones and add to that paper. Look at the paper everyday and
repeat the positive phrases to yourself. Keep repeating these to
yourself as you enter the exam hall, as you start the paper and anytime
you feel nervous.

Relaxation: Take 5 to 8 deep breaths. Breathe in and as you breathe out
imagine you are breathing out stress and anxiety. Make your body go limp
like a rag doll.  Relax each part of your body as you continue to
breathe deeply. Imagine yourself in a quiet peaceful place.  Doing this
relaxation exercise everyday whether you have exams or not is like a
good investment in a bank.  

So,
Arun try these techniques and let me know if they helped. Remember; if
they do not work a doctor can prescribe you anti anxiety medications.
Best of luck!

Q.   2)
I am a stressed mother. I have a child who is like wild animal! I know I
should not say this about my son but he is driving me mad. He is only 8
years old but will argue about anything that I ask him to do.  His first
reaction to any request is a loud “Why” and then he will either refuse
to do it, argue as to why he should not do it or finally just walk away.
The request may be a simple one like “go take a bath” or “do your
homework” or even “Come eat your lunch”.

A.  
2)
Dear
stressed Mum,

You
have not told me when these problems started. Often children will behave
in a defiant way as a way of coping with problems (externalising
behaviours). Does he have any problems at school? Is he finding the work
difficult or is his teacher too strict or is he getting bullied. If any
one of this is true he may be refusing to go to school. If he has always
been a difficult or restless child he may have learnt to get his way by
being difficult. He may have disorders like Oppositional Defiance
Disorder, ADHD or conduct disorder.

In any
case one of the best ways to handle him is to sit him down when he is
not being difficult and ask him to help you lay ground rules. If he
helps to make the rules he is more likely to follow them. Make a
behaviour contract where he gets rewarded for following the rules and
fined (no TV or no pocket money for a day) for breaking them.

Get him
to enjoy doing tasks. This can be done by not asking him to do
something, which is difficult or boring (at least to begin with). Praise
him for caring out simple tasks like “get me tissue please’ at least 6
to 7 times a day. If he does not do it just ignore him and do it
yourself (planned ignoring). Do this for 3 to 4 weeks. Gradually, your
son will enjoy doing tasks for you. It is very important not to force
him to do something, to give him tasks which are easy and /or
interesting and praising him when he does them.

Finally, if you are unable to carry out the program and there is too
much shouting and fighting seek professional help.  Remember to show him
your unconditional love for him and do things, which are fun with him
every so often.

Q. 3). I have a
3.6-year-old daughter who constantly has a cough and cold since the time
we have moved to Dubai one year ago.  She has been going to a play
school since then but remains absent for many days because she is always
down with cough, cold and fever. She gets these attacks almost every two
to three weeks.  Her doctor always has to give her antibiotics and I am
afraid they are not good for her. Please let me know what I should do?

                                                    Reem

A.  
3) Dear Reem,

I can
understand how distressing it is to have a chronically sick child. There
are 3 or 4 factors, which may be contributing to her frequent attacks of
cold and cough. The most important is her entry into nursery school.
Often children who first join school are exposed to new and different
viruses (bugs). It takes some time for their immunity to strengthen
enough to fight off these bugs.

The
other factor is allergy. Your daughter may be suffering from allergies.
Check if there is family history of asthma, recurrent tonsillitis or hay
fever. Dust mites (small bugs found in household dust) are the commonest
cause of allergy. It is better to remove wall to wall carpeting,
upholstered furniture and any thing that can gather dust in the house.
Long term anti allergy medications, which are non-sedating, can be
given.

Since
your child is running a fever frequently recurrent ear infections should
also be ruled out. This is important because antibiotics needed to treat
them are specific and should be given for 10 to 14 days.  If your child
snores or breathes mostly from the mouth she may have adenoids. These
are small glands near the nose, which can pinch the Eustachian tube (a
tube connecting the nose and mouth to the ears) and increase chances of
ear infections. Ask your doctor to look into these factors.

Q 4). My baby is
turning 4 months and I want to know how to wean her on solid foods. Is
it better to home cook them or buy ready made ones in the market? Are
there any foods that should be avoided? This is my first baby and I have
no prior experience.     First-time Mum

A 4)
Dear First-time Mum,

Weaning, which means introduction of foods other than milk, is a very
important time for babies. Three important changes take place in the
baby’s diet. These is a change in taste, a change in consistency and a
change in the method of feeding. Before this the baby only drinks milk
either from the breast or a bottle. A spoon is usually used to give
weaning foods. The baby may push the spoon out of its mouth with its
tongue because of a reflex called the retruser reflex. Hence the spoon
should be very small and soft edged. The baby should be made to taste
the food first and then gradually placed in the mouth. Remember babies
also have their own likes and dislikes.

The
foods can be cooked fresh at home or baby foods can be bought from any
supermarket. The foods should be initially quite fluid without any bits
in it. Hence pureed fruits or vegetables, which are then sieved and
thinned with water, should be given. However, the consistency should be
gradually thickened.  Bits should be allowed after the baby is over 6 to
7 months old. Soft solid foods should be given after 8 to 9 months.

There
are some foods, which should be avoided, in the first year of life. No
sugar or salt should be added to the food. Wheat should not be given at
least in the first 6 months. Eggs should be avoided till one year as
should fresh milk. Citrus fruits should also be avoided especially if
there is a family history of allergies. The safest food to start with is
pureed vegetables like pumpkin, carrots and pureed fruits like papaya
and apple. Rice powder with Moong (yellow) dal (lentil) is also safe and
can be overcooked, pureed and sieved to make clear soup.

Start
with only one feed in the day preferably before milk feed. Gradually
build it up so that by the time she is 6 months she is eating weaning
foods three times a day. By the time she is one year old, she should be
eating a full family diet.

Do not
be tense whilst feeding your baby. It should be a happy and relaxed
time. Remember that every child has its own time, which is right for
weaning. If she consistently rejects the different types of weaning
foods then stop for awhile and restart after a few weeks.

Q. 5) My son turned
2 years last month and is still not speaking. He has no words, not even
bye-bye or Mama. My daughter, now 5 years old was speaking in full
sentences at this age, in both our languages i.e. English and Swedish.
Should I start speech therapy or seek professional help?  

                                Helga

A.  
5) Dear Helga,

Your
son has two disadvantages – one that he has several languages (English
and Swedish) to contend with, the other that he is a boy and the male of
our species usually speak later than the female. Having said that
bilingual children do have a cognitive advantage of  being exposed to
more than one language because they quickly understand the abstract
nature of the spoken word. Also most often there is no delay in language
expression and they pick up both languages  at the same time (the way
your daughter did). However, some children start to speak later than
normal but have no later difficulties. This may be the case with your
son. If your son does not seem to understand simple instructions like
“where is Mama?” or “get your shoes”, if he has poor eye contact or if
he does not engage in purposeful activity then seek help immediately.
Early intervention is the key. If on the other hand he is doing all of
those things then just provide a language rich environment like story
telling, ‘simple conversation’, talking to him in the stronger of the
two languages and maybe starting him in a play school.

Wish
you all the best.